sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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