I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize