Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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