She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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