I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry my hands just texted you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
