Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
