Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
