Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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