Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
