So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
