guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
