What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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