we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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