I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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