Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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