My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
