Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
