I need to stop coming to work sober
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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