i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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