I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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