found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
