dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
