that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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