only you would photoshop your dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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