I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
