Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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