i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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