Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
