If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
