I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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