Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
