were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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