I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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