Where is the hickey?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
