My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
