Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
