Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
