Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So many bounce houses so little time
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize