Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(778): View more from British Columbia

No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.

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(949): View more from California

I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate

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(501): View more from Arkansas

If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.

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(559): View more from California

I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?

(1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm afraid to ask, but go on.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night

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