Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize