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So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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