by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
