i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
