I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
