my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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