I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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