I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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