I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
