Only a mothe r could love this liver
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
