my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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