i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
