you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
