tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
