I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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