good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
love makes seman taste better
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
