Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
