STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
