Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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