i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
