ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
