So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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