We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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