i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
