Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
