I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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