How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
